what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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