First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize