Heybabeimwearingurpanties
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
