i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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