I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
