I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
