We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize