I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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