Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize