Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
