After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
