YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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