i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it was like eating out sand paper
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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