She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
