Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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