I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize