her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize