whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
