I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize