Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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