At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
