At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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