Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
