I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
