you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
