shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
