She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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