Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
