Will you blow on my dice?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
