She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
