Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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