Banned from zoo.
Again?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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