did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
