I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize