Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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