wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
