She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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