there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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