My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
