I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
