youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wish I only lived at night.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes