its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
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What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
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think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.