did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.