no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
