Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
