she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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