...so i touched it.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
