my sisters under your porch take her home
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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