Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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