Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
