ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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