There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
