Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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