whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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