I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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