i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
