that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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