Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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