I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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