im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
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Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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