U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
