I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
