So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
