i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You can't just leave with hair like that
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
