My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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