That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
