I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
