Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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